Joshua Update

Hi friends and family,

Joshua made it through his surgery well. He was quite a brave little boy yesterday--staying calm through all the pre-op stuff and then was mostly calm after the surgery as well, despite clearly being in some pain. He had three incisions made--turns out he did have two hernias, one on each side, and then they did lower the testicle as well. He was quite swollen and purple yesterday, but seems a bit less today. The surgery took about 90 minutes, and then he was in a recovery room (without us!!) for about an hour (the hour I worried most about him--he must have been so scared being in pain without his parents--nurses said he asked for us, but then was calm, but when we saw him he just cried and cried) and then he was brought to us in a post-op room after he was "awake" enough. We were there another 2 1/2 hours or so--they wanted him to walk a bit before we headed home, and, well, he didn't really want to walk. And who can blame him??? He had three incisions in a very sensitive area! I think of how we adults react to these types of surgeries, and in some ways, I think we have a bit too high of expectations for how we expect little ones to react/come back so quickly from surgery. I started to really get irritated when the nurse didn't want to give him Ibuprofen, even though it was clear his other medicine was wearing off, as he was crying and shifting and clearly uncomfortable. To be fair, she was worried it would get him nauseated, but for Pete's sake, just give him the medicine! After he cried softly for 10 minutes, she agreed to give him some.

Last night was terribly hard, which is why I didn't post. I was a total wreck--I felt like I had brought in this perfectly fine little boy to surgery--a boy who two days earlier had been running up and down hills and playing "chase" with his siblings around a little lake--and I left with this little boy who had all these invasive things done to him. And I know it had to be fixed (and sooner rather than later, as he had some complications from the hernia in early May), but it still felt terrible. And he was so sad last night--in pain, exhausted, confused, lonely (missing his brother and sister who stayed at grandparents'), and scared. He didn't want to go to bed last night--cried softly in our arms until he fell asleep. I bawled the whole time while holding him (softly and his eyes were closed so he couldn't see me)--it was honestly one of the toughest experiences I've had. Joshua did well through the night, though. He did wake at 11:30 p.m., crying, but he just wanted his Matchbox cars back in his crib (we broke the rules and let him take three to bed last night!). Fortunately, he was happy when he got them back (tough to say "no" to a post-surgery little boy!), but unfortunately, he stayed up 'til at least 1:30 a.m. playing with them (I fell asleep then..).

12 hours can make a huge difference, however, as today, Joshua seems much, much better. He has been walking some, a bit awkwardly, but moving more quickly than I would've expected (even tried running a few steps...to my chagrin (I know, I know..I'm nervous when he's not moving, I'm nervous when he is moving,...I'm just nervous!)). He's been in very good spirits, although I'm not sure what he thinks about being an only child. This morning, James and I doted on his every move. We both hovered over his crib this morning and over his breakfast and lunch. He repeatedly would look at us and say, "No mommy. No daddy." Basically, he was telling us to "back off." He's not used to all this hovering! I do think he has enjoyed not having to share his toys, though. However, he misses Ellie and William dreadfully--and when I think about it, they've never been apart for more than an hour or two. James and I "come and go," but those three are inseparable. My parents say that Ellie and William are missing Joshua terribly as well.

In all, things are okay, and I'm hoping we've gotten through the worst. We appreciate those of you who dropped us a line or said a quick prayer!